I am sitting in the MN airport at the cafe "Natural Meadow Bakery and Café". Most of the airport staff is Ethiopian and the two times I have been through the airport they have been very nice people. A man in a big ol' red WI sweatshirt came and sat down with his son. He had ordered an egg breakfast for himself and meant to add on a couple of eggs for his kid. The server brought only one plate over to him and his son. He wondered where the rest of his order was and asked the woman. She explained that she added 2 eggs into the plate. He was frustrated because he and his kid don't eat off the same plate. What a ludicrous idea.
She asked what she could do and he says, well, 2 eggs and bacon. She asks if he wants another order, but he grows really frustrated that he would have to pay for this mistake. She did not perceive it as a mistake. While he was complaining, he also asked if there was any different toast. He is not accustomed to sour dough (which was actually pretty good for an airport place), although it was clearly written on the menu when he ordered. The country bumpkin man was getting a taste of the city, of an international airport, and an international point of view. I was getting really annoyed. And then, this nice gentleman a few seats away said that he was about to miss his flight and had not received his food yet, so the kid was welcome to his egg breakfast, even his unopened orange juice. The father thankfully accepted and everyone was satisfied.
About 5 minutes later the staff brought over another breakfast (a free one) to make up for the mistake. The man grunted that he did not want it because he was going to have to pay for it and it was her mistake. He told her he did not want them, that she was right here when the other gentleman gave them his breakfast. What insolence! Trying to make up for the supposed mistake, how dare they now.
This was the first time I had culture shock coming back to the Midwest. I suppose the Midwest part was for other reasons, because it was not necessarily a Midwestern action for the father to treat her that way. I personally wished we shared plates more often. Less waste, more interaction- it sounds good to me.
When I was growing up, "sharing is caring" was definitely in play; clothing rotated, doughnuts were shared, books were traded. When I was in middle school, and into high school, my friends and I would go out to eat a lot; invariably, when the food came within 5 minutes Shya would say "can I try some?"... or just take some and apologize afterwords in her own laughingly embarrassed sort of way. It got to the point where it would start to annoy me- not that she was taking the food, but that she always felt she needed to apologize so profusely. It seemed so simple, so "of course!" to me that apologizing seemed unnecessary.
ReplyDeleteAs I got older I realized that it was necessary, that its not so simple seeming to everyone, and that Shya was just extra sensitive to things that she did that she thought were "different" from other families around here. It makes me sad that this overly-individualistic attitude has sprung up... and I don't think its necessarily a Midwestern thing. I think it can be seen in many different corners of the States...and out of the States.
I wish there were more Shyas (and Laurens :) ) in the world to teach people how to share, for the mental image of a father being unable to share something so basic and necessarily as his morning breakfast with his own son is both sad and scary.
And I'd like to formally say- ya'll are welcome to share my plate any time. :)
i'm really interested in the "individuality" that you brought up. thats something that i've been having in my head for a while now.
ReplyDeleteare we too individual?
it seems that most of my friends at this point are in fairly the same boat: they graduated, went off, and are now making their way in the world. But they're lonely. Why do we continue to pursue our own ambitions when there are so many good people to stay for?
at a deeper level, when talking with (relatively few) people about this last election, and why people voted for McCain/Palin, and why people even liked Palin, I seemed to run into the "She's just like one of us" argument a few times. To which our family friend Hervey countered, "There's no way that I would want one of us in charge of this country." I agree. I want one smart ass mo fo in charge of this country.
When I asked my parents about if they thought this sort of reasoning would have occured 30, 40, 50 years ago, they said "No." They didn't think so.
So what has brought about the change? Uber-individualism? Has that came in to cloud our judgements--we can no longer separate what is best for us from ourselves? Or perhaps ego?...
any other thoughts?
I mention this in my year-end letter, I would like to hear your reaction when you read it.
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